Wanna be alone

Actually what day is today???Is it the chinese calender said today 5.23 is a super bad day for Wong Tze Yeen??!!!From morning till now,nothing good happened,such as feel headache today,then rather do not go to school.

My mood is super duper bad now.I really think to cry it out now,but if I cry,will the result gonna be different?!I just received email from UTS.It stated that my application for the coming semester is fail.It did not state the reason.I feel like now I died without knowing the reason.I can't remember how many times I have cried,how many times feel hurt,how many times feel regret, just because of uni's things...

I won't blame my parents because I know they did not blame me too.I only can blame myself,and also God lo...God,why you just make me as the stupid girl since I borned,no matter how hardworking I am also get the bad results.Then my parents won't put so high hope on me.I also won't put hope on myself.Why you not put me in a very very poor family,poor until can't support me study the basic education.Then I won't get chance to study,so I do not have chance to dissapoint my parents.You just put me in a not-so-rich family,but still can support me to study in uni.Why???Why???Why??? Start from kindergarden,then primary and secondary school,I am not so clever people but still can get the result above average.These made my parents get higher hope on me.My self-esteem also getting higher.But when I started studying in uni,my nightmare just began.Fail again and again,my self-esteem also get hurt again and again.The thing I don't want to see the most is,the dissapointment of my parents.When I see them do not speak out their hurt and still wanna console me,I feel more sad.Where got parents do not hope their children can get the good future??Nga alreadys said she does not like study,now daddy and mummy just put all of their hope on me.Not only them,still have grandpa,grandma,they also put all their hopes on the eldest grandchild---Me.They don't know that all of their hopes just the invisible pressure to me.Sometimes I really jealous Nga.She always get the bad result and doesn't like study.She won't have the pressure like me.Nga,can I change with you??

Now besides crying,I really don't know what can I do.I even do not have enough courage to tell parents about this.If death can solve everything,I think I will choose to die.However,I know it can't,so you all not to worry.I will not choose that...

Now I only want to be alone,Sorry~~~~