My feeling now....NOT SO GOOD

Those who know me maybe don't know actually who they see is the 'crazy' me...but when there is no one,I am a negative-thinker and like to think the nonsense.Maybe is because I was the only child in my first 12 years and used to play alone,talking to myself and doing everything by myself.Recently that me appear again...I just can't control myself thinking nonsense.Don't ask me what I'm thinking.I don't know how to write here and also don't think to write it out.But I've promised that I will try my best to stop thinking...Sorry about that,I'm really trying my best now...

Recently I saw my cousins' camwhore photos.The feeling now is...THEY've REALLY GROWN UP.I won't admit that I'm old(definately not...how come 24-year-old say old) but I really have those OLD people feeling.As the eldest,I always think that they just like before who always 'biao jie biao jie' when they saw me and followed me to everywhere(Although I felt annoying sometimes,I still like it).But now...when they see me,only greet me 'biao jie' then just hide themselves and face to their handphone busy sms-ing.Just seldom chat with me,don't even expect they will tell me any secret.They are now definately see me as ELDER because you won't tell secret to elder,right?!Honestly,this feeling really SUCKS!!!!!If one day Nga also doesn't tell me any little secret,I think I will cry that time.Or,if 1 day my little Philip don't say any word to me,I also will cry that time.Bao bei ar...I suddenly wish to hug you now and hear you call me 'biao jie' lo~~~

These negative feeling and plus an old song--- 夜夜夜夜(Night) from齐秦 I heard just now.I'm now just feel like walking to the balcony and feel the night feeling.Maybe I should cry all the negative feeling now and make myself better...

夜夜夜夜 齐秦

想问天你在哪里 我想问问我自己
一开始我聪明 结束我聪明
聪明的几乎的毁掉了我自己

想问天问大地 或者是迷信问问宿命
放弃所有 抛下所有
让我飘流在安静的夜夜空里

你也不必牵强再说爱我
反正我的灵魂已片片凋落
慢慢的拼凑 慢慢的拼凑
拼凑成一个完全不属于真正的我

我不愿再放纵
我不愿每天每夜每秒飘流
也不愿再多问再多说再多求我的梦

(I don't want to translate already since it's quite late now,sorry for those banana lo)