Just think to leave...

I feel my step is so heavy today.Honestly to say,I really don't think to go out.I have to admit that I like to 'escape' from any problems.But now situation not allow me to escape.I really scare,I scare to go to uni now.I can't receive any attack anymore at this moment.Do you understand?When I just walked out,I thought a lot.Or I should said I though those nonsense a lot today.I appreciate the God for set me not really brave to do those stupid thing.But if in this moment,someone just pointed the knife to me,or a car is approaching me,I won't escape.If HE like my life,then just take away from me.Haih....I just feel to cry all along day.I hate this feeling,really hate it....It's raining today.Last few days still sunny and today,raining.haha...the God,really know how to choose the right time.I rather walked under the rain.

I just passed my assignement to Mr Khan before UTS.When I just queued at the International department in UTS,the Korean guy(I guess) served me.I just told my situation briefly and his face told me that he is not understanding.So I just have to find his supervisor,but the reply I get is ----the supervisor has quitted and not in UTS anymore.I am very surprised!!!And the Korean guy told me that he is not too clear about my situation.Now what can I do is go back home and email to UTS and ask the reason.WTF!!!I already in UTS personally, and now he asked me to email at home.Is it the way Australian working??Cis!!!

After that,went to AusEd and asked some solving way.The officer there quite passionate.She gave me a few comment.But I am crying when I talking to her.How useless I am.She even passed me tissue.So nice.I really seldom cry infront of people,but this time,I really can't hold my tear.She just suggested me that try to apply for other university,then only transfer back to UTS if I want.This is the biggest possibility.But,time,$$$,energy,these all I need to restart again!!I really need to consider properly.The amazing thing is,she can speak my feeling.I never talk this to anyone but she can understand.She is right.I really feel suffering now.Especially when I think about the pressure from my family.I really can't breath under their pressure.But...family won't understand this.I feel complicated now.If can,I really want not to think anything now.Or can I just lost my memory???!!

But no matter how worse the situation is,I still need to get my salary,right??When I reached ChinaTown,I saw what I have never seen before.There are many stalls along the street.Then only know that the stalls will be there every week.Those stalls mostly sell food,and massage service,clothes and so on.What I feel is PASAR MALAM lo~~~I just bought a bowl of chicken shark fins.I also bought the dried apple before I went back.At first I though there is not much for 500g.Who knows,it's a lot.Never mind,I assure I can finish it.

'Pasar Malam' in China Town,Sydney

The Chicken Shark Fin~

How long will you think I can finish this 500 g dried apple??

When I reached Hurstville,I called back home.I cried again.I really have to admit that I like to cry.Although mummy said just do what I want,she just ended the conversation with 'But I think you still better finish studying'.I already get what she want to say.Today I just asked her.Is it I am so useless,but I don't know whether she just miss that question or what,she did not reply me.But I already understand that,I am super duper useless people.

I really feel that God is really a unbeatable player and His toys are human like us.He just keep picking what that people can't face the most and attack with that.Like some people too stubborn in love,then HE will let him/her suffer more in love.And me...study is much more important than love,I will not cry for love, and HE knows.So HE just keep attacking me in study....GOD,you are so cruel~~~

Full month of 23th,is so unhappy~~