Moodless!!!

I have no idea what happened on me today.I juz feel moodless since i woke up today,even games and drama also cant delight me today.Izzit because there is raining outside???Facing laptop whole day but do nth,no mood to eat,no mood to sleep,no mood to smile,even no mood to speak.Suddenly i feel like find a fren,he/she can talk all in the conversation and I only wanna b an audience and no need to say anything.When i looked at my MSN frenlist,there is no ppl can satisfy me.So i know i have to change my mind.

I started to review my previous photos.I refreshed my memory when i view my photos.When i looked at my family photo,i suddenly found that,i really miss my family,very very miss them.Daddy who not very know how to express his concern to me,mummy's lame joke,Nga's mannerless,my room,my bolster...these all juz appear in my mind.My tear juz started dropping without control.

I admit that I am tat kind of ppl who dunno how to express feeling well.This is why i always keep my feeling in my heart.I wont tell my family how I miss them.Everytime when i chatting with my family thru phone,I nearly tell them about my homesick but luckily my mind stop my mouth to do so.There are 2 reasons for me.First,I dun wan let my parents worry about me although they still worry about me.I know they miss me more than i do.Second, my self-pride is strong.I dun wan let any ppl know about my sadness.Of coz,sometimes i cant control myself and tell them by accident. Mummy always laugh at me,she said me now only realize how good does the home is.

"Mummy,i wanna honestly tell u that,i know how good does the home is in the beginning.I still wanna go overseas alone is because i know i have to learn to be independent and increase the likable to home,also.I know I cant always rely on u.Sometimes, I will think that u n daddy spoil me.This make me very confused that how to repay u in the future.Since i borned till now,I nv do sth that really make u proud.On the other hands,I juz know how to express my mannerless and anger to u.I know this is wrong and I alr try my best to stop doing it but i fail to control it always.I hide a lot of things from u.I dun have enough courage to tell u at all.If u know my secrets,i assure u both only upset and more dissapointed on me...sry mummy,sorry daddy.."

People always misunderstood me as a independent,strong girl.And the truth always opposite.Actually,INDEPENDENT,FIERCE,STRONG only a 'shell' for me to protect myself.I know this theory since i was in primary school.I know these can protect myself being bully by other ppl and I prove that i am right.Nobody dare to bully me in primary sch till now.But when i remove this 'shell',inside only have weak,strong dependency,think negatively.Hard to imagine how i look like if i without my 'shell',right??? Some zodiac book said that :"GEMINI ppl suitable as an Artist"I think I was 1 of this.

After reviewing all my photos,i started viewing my fren's blog.Actually i feel that blog is a good tools to write down own feeling and know more about wut other ppl's thinking.When i read one of my fren's blog,I only found that he can write things poetically.Why i din notice before???Mayb we really dun understand each others last time,so now...but anyway,know tat my fren is happy,i also feel happy.So,my fren,r u happy???

huh...i really express many things here,but seems like my mood haven come back yet???how???

*************************************************************************************
oops,nearly forget,Winnie,thx for ur 'tong shui',.it really delicious,but too sweet for me^^